William Berger (aka: The BergerMan) feels being named after a major food group is an important harbinger of success. He recognizes the existence of an inconvenient spelling irregularity, but is confident that the fault lies with the fast-food industry and not with his lineage. The BergerMan has done a great many things for a great many people, and as a result, has accumulated a startling array of largely unrelated experiences. As naturally follows, he has become a veritable fountain of seemingly useless knowledge. While other kids passed private notes using Johnny Sokko’s secret decoder rings, The BergerMan and his younger brother passed these notes by punching little holes into strips of paper. Fortunately for their future happiness, this practice died out before they discovered that girls no longer had cooties. It is still to be determined if there is a better foundation for a career in public speaking.