In the beginning, enlightenment was simple. One Buddha, one tree, minimal paperwork. But like all good ideas, it evolved into a vast cosmic enterprise with multiple departments, specialized divisions, and what the celestial bureaucracy diplomatically described as "overlapping responsibilities."

The Five Dhyāni Buddhas had been managing this operation for eons. Vairocana reflected truth like a mirror. Akṣobhya absorbed anger with immovable calm. Ratnasambhava dispensed abundance like a cosmic treasurer. Amitābha ran the Western Pure Land with infinite hospitality. Amoghasiddhi got things done with fearless efficiency.

Different approaches for different beings. It worked beautifully.

Which was exactly why someone decided it needed fixing.

Enter Devadatta, consultant extraordinaire, carrying a briefcase of crystallized ambition and a PowerPoint presentation. His proposal: consolidate five Buddha families into one streamlined operation. Eliminate redundancies, optimize the customer journey. Create a universal enlightenment experience that works for everyone.

One size fits all. Maximum efficiency. Minimum confusion.

The prototype Buddha 2.0 glows with generic perfection, and all the functionality of five Buddhas compressed into one convenient package.

Now five enlightened beings must explain to an ambitious consultant why beings aren't products, why diversity of approach isn't redundancy, and why some things are too important to be efficient.

After all, if you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Even awakening.