Is a life put on hold still a life worth living? Torn between wanting to participate in art shows and not wanting to get exposed to COVID, I was haunted by the feeling that life was passing me by. I felt like I was living my life in captivity, missing all its forgone pleasures. This wasn’t the future I wanted. This wasn’t the world I wanted to live in. I wasn’t the woman I wanted to be. Being an artist was a leap of faith and I was getting tired of jumping.

In a world of artifice and denial, what still mattered? The pursuit of normal at any cost had led to a culture of complacency and resignation, warnings unheeded, lessons unlearned. The aftermath of an ongoing crisis that most of the world deliberately ignored was a time of missed opportunities and impossible choices. Just when I needed them the most for publicity, the internet platforms I had come to rely on made it harder for my work to be seen, as tech disruption left upheaval and destruction in its wake. Would my newfound social media sites and online communities help me connect with a new audience, or would my participation in them only further tech oligarchs’ nefarious goals?

Though making art is my escape, this book is also about what I was trying to escape from. Finding solace in creating art in a world on the precipice of disaster, I have made this book an archive of three years of art, grief and grievances.